20 Funniest conversations at vriksha!!!

    Over the years the nursery has had all kinds of people walk in...we love absolutely all of them but some of the conversations we had makes us crackup to even to this day...

20) Customer:-  how many flowers will this plant get in a year.......
     ME :- mam its a perennial flowering plant blooms all year round...
Customer:- dont give me vague answers i need numbers !!!!

 *facepalm*

19)client:-i love nature...i love greenery i love to be one with nature...


AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRHH......(runns for the gate) butterfly i hate butterfly !!!!

18) client :- i want to make a lawn....i want to make a herbal garden with fruits and trees and vegetables

   me:-where would you want this done mam.

client :- on my window sill and in my kitchen grill box....i dont want plants in my bedroom window cause  the green won't match my bedsheet and curtains !!      :-/

17) client :- hey my tulsi i got from a local cyclewala is dead can u tell me what i can do to bring it back to life....(shows me a plant dry as dust)

me :- mam its dead there is nothing i can do...

client :- cant u do some plant cpr or something....you went to uk to study na!!!

16) client :- i want a a tomato plant...

   me :- giving him the plant ...

client :- green tomatoes !!! wow iv never seen such a rare variety of tomatoes ever :-?

15) client :- hi do you have vishnubingraja...

 me :- mam can u pls tell me the botinical name or a local name

client :- a very big baba has told me if i keep this plant on the south east window of my house ill get a son..... wtf ?!!!

14) customer :- hi do you have money plant

me :- yes

customer :- do you get money if u have the plant

me :- i dont know abt you but ill get some if you buy them form me.

13) customer :- hi is this a plant nursery

   me :- yes

customer :- do you have an apple plant....i love apple.

 me :- mam apple needs a cold climate to grow wont grow here in mumbai...

customer :- can i grow that in ac room or near my fridge door.....

wtf!!!

12)customer :- hi do you have onion plant...

me :- no

customer :- do you have potato plant....

me :- no

customer :- do you have rice plant...

me :- any particular reason you want these farm crops in mumbai?

customer :- iv got a concept....grow your own biryani ...i think loads of people will buy for eidd

11)customer :- sir im calling from kerela

me :- yes tell me...

customer :- sir i want to have plants that eat elephant......

me :- what ??!!??!? there is no such plant...

customer :- pls make i buy 2...

10) customer :- hey iv got plants i want to sell...

me  :- yes we do buy plants ....tell me...

customer :- how much will u pay...

me:- sir i need to see the plants before i can give u a quote.

customer:- no give aprox how much will you pay for very green plant....

me:- sir i wi need to see the plant before i can say anything....

customer:- whats there to see in a plant...there are leaves stem root and sometimes small flower .

9) customer :- (very agitated) i got a plant form you and its dieing !!!

me:- oh im so sorry mam could you get it to us...

customer ;- no cause i just came back from the uk im jet lagged.

me :- so why dont you send us a pic and let me see whats up.

*sends me a pic of a plant dry as dust*

me:- when did you water this last...

customer:- 3 months ago....before i left

8)"filmi customer* :- hey have you seen the movie silsila...

me:- not not really but tell me...

*filmi customer *:- i want like that flower field to be created in my society garden...

me:- sir i vaguely remember wasn't that amitabh and rekha shooting in a tulip field in amsterdam...is that what ur talking about...

*filmi customer* :- yes yes same to same ..iv got got budget of 10,000.... tell me when will u start.

7) customer :- what is your educational qualification....

me:- iv done a msc in horticulture from the Bskkv and a ma in landscape managment from the uni of sheffield.

customer:- horti kia kia ...horti culture aisa bhi kuch hota hai...dont lie and make up be honest.

6) customer :- hi is this nursery....

me:- yes

customer :- can i have admission for my son

me:- sir this i a plant nursery...

customer :- good name...can i get addmition?

5) customer:- sir do you have hibiscus plant...

me :- yes...show him the plant....

customer :- no i want pink hibiscus...

me:-sir this is a red hibiscus see the flower...

customer :-not this pink....i want pink like...u know pink...

me:- sir i know pink and this flower is pink (highly confused)

He leaves without buying anything and returns the next day....whips out an asian paints shade card n goes ...this ..i select this pink!!!!!!

4) customer :- hey do you have pott

me:- yes sir we have loads of pots in diffrent sizes...

customer:- manali or kashmiri????

3) customer :- hi i want to do a big save the planet tree plantation drive.

me:- thats very good sir what do you have in mind....

customer:- i think tulsi is king of plants i want to give away 1000 tulsi trees big tulsi trees like ...big shadey tulsi tree

me:- sir tulsi is a small shrub...wont grow into a tree...

customer:- why dont you do genetic engeniring of tulsi plant to make it into big tree!!!

me:- sir thats not possible...

customer:-even impossible says i am possible....

2) Customer:- do you have good smelling plants

me:- yes sir, we do have many aromatic plants...

customer:- my husband is very bad smelling...can i use it on him...

me:- what??!!??

customer:- if he rubbs the plant will he smell good...

me:-mam he needs deodorant not a poor little plant!!!

1)customer:-hey do you have any ..

me:-any what...

customer:-especial plant..

me:-man all our plants are special what u looking for....

customer:-mari-ju-ana

me:-im a plant nursery not a drug dealer!!!!

customer:-grow na for me i will give u loads of orders....

me:-call my friend he will help you out...(gave de fucker the land line number of juhu police station)

Cateleya :- The soil less Orchids !!!

How they were discovered:- William Swainson the english explorer had discovered these beautiful orchids in Pernambuco,Brazil in the year 1815 they shipped these to the Glasgow Botinical garden for identification because of the temp conditions there the true identification of these plants and naming of them were only done in the year 1824.Whats truly amazing is due to a mistake in the documentation of the location of these plants it would take another 70 years fort them to be discovered again !!!! Through discovered in Brazil these plants are originally from Costa Rica.

             CATTLEYAS orchids are the most sumptuous and exotic of all the orchids iv ever seen. In nature there are about 50 species each of Cattleya from Central America, growing through the Amazon region to the south of Brazil.Their distinctive flowers and the tendency of these plants to grow in large colonies has meant that they have been vigorously over-collected and the status of many is endangered.What amazes me even more is how these beautiful orchids made the north east of india its home and are growing there literally on every tree!!! I first came across this guy in a trade fare i dint think they would do well in mumbai weather but me being me i  just had to buy a few.We took them to the nursery and placed them all on various growing mediums in various different conditions what i saw amazed me.The plants that were planted in soil ,coal,red manure,cocopiet,vermicompost slowly began to wither and i assumed these wouldn't work for mumbai weather.A while later i happen to spot 4-5 of these guys growing beautifully at the farm the workers had left a few of them aside near a some fire wood and these orchids had caught on beautifully!!! i immediately understood these guys were epiphytes (Epiphytes are plants that live on other plants but are traditionally classified as non-parasitic )

A few months later a client met me.,he came to us with a strange request saying that he wanted to have plants in his home but without soil...as he had a terrible allergy to dust and wasn't very fond of insects and all the "eeww" things that came with it.I presented several ideas to him from making insect repellant soil to having a hydrophonic garden but somehow nothing stuck....then while presenting to him i had some what of a eureka moment !!! AN EPIPHYTIC GARDEN i said thinking aloud ....n he kinda got intrigued by the idea so we decided to finally do it....

       What transpired then was an epic 2 months of frantic collecting of orchids as many colours i could get my hands on as many different species played with the aromas and in the heart of mumbai we made a completely soilless garden!!!
I must admit though cateleyas were a big part we used plants like stag horn ferns spanish moss vandas(i stole from my wifes grand moms place) during this process i absolutely fell in love with this plant something about the flowers the plant the aroma just got me hooked,iv got more than 12 carities and must have clocked more than a 1000 pics of these guys here are some of the best ones :-

Cattleya's can be among the easiest plants to grow 

Light

Because Cattleya's grow high in the trees they require strong light with some direct sun. Their foliage should be rigid and medium to light green in color. If the leaves are dark green and floppy, the plant isn't getting enough light. If your plant refuses to bloom, it's probably not getting enough light! 

On the other hand, if the leaves are hard and yellowish the plant is probably getting too much sun. In your home, Cattleya's prefer the spot nearest an east or west window. Without additional lighting, north facing windows just won't do. In Northern climates, Cattleya's will thrive outside on the patio during the summer months. When outside, always remember to protect your plants from the hot mid-day sun.

Food u should never touch again !!!

         With so much misinformation out there about food and how it affects human health, making healthy food choices for you and your family can be difficult and confusing. There are a number of specific foods; however, that you will want to avoid in almost every circumstance because they provide virtually no health benefits while posing plenty of health risks. Here are nine foods you should never eat again if you care about preserving your long-term health:

1) White bread, refined flours. By definition, white bread and refined flours in general are toxic for your body because they have been stripped of virtually all vitamins, minerals, fiber, and other important nutrients. Because of this, the body does not know how to properly digest and assimilate these so-called foods, which can lead to health problems. Refined white flour has also been bleached with chlorine and brominated with bromide, two poisonous chemicals that have been linked to causing thyroid and organ damage. 

 2) Conventional frozen meals. Most conventionally-prepared frozen meals are loaded with preservatives, processed salt, hydrogenated oils and other artificial ingredients, not to mention the fact that most frozen meals have been heavily pre-cooked, rendering their nutrient content minimal at best (especially after getting microwaved again at home). With the exception of a few truly healthy frozen meal brands such as Amy’s and Organic Bistro, most frozen meals are little more than disease in a box, so avoid them in favor of fresh foods.

 3) White rice. Like white bread, white rice has been stripped of most of its nutrients, and separated from the bran and germ, two natural components that make up rice in its brown form. Even so-called “fortified” white rice is nutritionally deficient, as the body still processes this refined food much differently than brown rice, which is absorbed more slowly and does not cause the same spike in blood sugar that white rice does.

4) Microwaveable popcorn. This processed food is a favorite among moviegoers and regular snackers alike, but it is one of the unhealthiest foods you can eat. Practically every component of microwaveable popcorn, from the genetically-modified (GM) corn kernels to the processed salt and preservative chemicals used to enhance its flavor, is unhealthy and disease-promoting. On top of this, microwaveable popcorn contains a chemical known as diacetyl that can actually destroy your lungs. If you love popcorn, stick with organic kernels that you can pop yourself in a kettle and douse with healthy ingredients like coconut oil, grass-fed butter, and Himalayan pink salt.

5) Cured meat products with nitrates, nitrites. Deli meats, summer sausage, hot dogs, bacon, and many other meats sold at the grocery store are often loaded with sodium nitrite and other chemical preservatives that have been linked to causing heart disease and cancer. If you eat meat, stick with uncured, nitrite and nitrate-free varieties, and preferably those that come from organic, grass-fed animals.

6) Most conventional protein, energy bars. By the way they are often marketed, it might seem as though protein and energy bars are a strong addition to a healthy diet. But more often than not, these meal replacements contain processed soy protein, refined sugar, hydrogenated fat, and other harmful additives that contribute to chronic illness. Not all protein and energy bars are bad, of course — Thunderbird Energetica, Organic Food Bar, Boku Superfood, Vega Sport, PROBAR, and Zing all make healthy protein and energy bars. Just be sure to read the ingredient labels and know what you are buying.

 7) Margarine. Hidden in all sorts of processed foods, margarine, a hydrogenated trans-fat oil, is something you will want to avoid at all costs for your health. Contrary to popular belief, butter and saturated fats in general are not unhealthy, especially when they are derived from pastured animals that feed on grass rather than corn and soy. And if animal-based fats are not for you, stick with extra-virgin coconut oil or olive oil rather than margarine.

 8) Soy milk and soy-based meat substitutes. One of the biggest health frauds of modern times, the soy craze is a fad that you will want to skip. Besides the fact that nearly all non-organic soy ingredients are of GM origin, most soy additives are processed using a toxic chemical known as hexane, which is linked to causing birth defects, reproductive problems, and cancer. Soy that has not been fermented is also highly estrogenic, which can throw your natural hormone balance out of whack.





   
 9) “Diet” anything. Many so-called “diet” products on the market today contains artificial sweeteners like aspartame (Equal) and sucralose (Splenda), both of which are linked to causing neurological damage, gastrointestinal problems, and endocrine disruption. Many diet products also contain added chemical flavoring agents to take the place of fat and other natural components that have been removed to artificially reduce calorie content. Instead, stick with whole foods that are as close to nature as possible, including high-fat foods grown the way nature intended, and your body will respond surprisingly well.

The Bollywood Landscapers

Yea catchy title right but i guess it fits right...back in the early 90s when mediocre films were ruling the roost my dad was a struggling little nurseryman in the city of dreams...what happened next would change the direction of the nursery completely...from a nursery that aspired to make and sell plants right in the heart of the city we became what id like to call "Overnight Gardeners"

My dad 1st met some amazing old time art directors ....from the legendary R.Varman to the sublime Sameer Chanda (one of my fav)...he worked with the likes of Nitin Desai Sudendu Roy satish chipkar and the list went on.there were some hilarious movies he worked on from the David Dhavan flicks to mahesh bhatt movies of the 90s I distinctly remembering playing cricket on the sets of Om Jai Jadeesh (hahahha) me and an old friend going to the sets of kano na pyaar hai(we were terrified of this back up dancer with a purple wig and big glasses)so ya basically a large part of my childhood i spent running wild on the sets of 90s bollywood movies.
           Over the years the mantle was passed down to mom who took the industry by storm with her ikebana arrangements....so basically post 1999 almost all the grand weddings you saw in movies...the flowers were arranged my mom...

Ya now don't really look at shah rum and shushmitas expressions look at the flowers all around...back in the day when every movie had 2 have a wedding song and dance mom was right there decorating them sets which some amazing flower arrangements.At times as large 30FT tall cause "Madam ji yeh international shade hai....US of america mien ek dum grand Shadi" yea we get these kinds of references.
       Come to this day most of the art directors of today be it the amazingly sweet Rajat podar(barfee,city lights,etc etc) Narendra Rahuekar(chennai express,singham) Jayant Deshmukh(Ram Leela etc etc) shamishta roy(all your dharma movies) Sabu cyril(ra one,krish,om shanti om) Mustapha dada (yahaan) Sunil babu(english vinglish)Sunil nigvekar(all your RGV movies) washik khan(dabang movies)....once again the list goes on n on n on but what remains constant is their landscape guys...heres some of our latest work

So while we were greening up the large screens we also worked extensively on television...from old school soaps to new reality shows they all took plants from us yes all your "K serials the endless mahabhart remakes from the b.r chopra one to the ekta kapoor one all had our plants...not to mention C.I.D man these guys have been my favourite customers they have been hiring out a fixed 45 plants for 15 days a month for the last 12 years!!!now isn't that some thing :-)

       Whats awesome about these sets is that i get to really test myself i 12 hours to set up huge spaces working round the clock with 50-60 workers to instruct over a microphone...absolutely love it. The nursery gets strange requests at times "sir we need 1 truck of dry leaves" or "sir do u have dead plants  we need to show explosion" or the funniest one i just got "sir i want to show switzland koi english jhaadi hai kia...i was like wtf" as quirky and funny this land of bollywood is its an absolute pleasure to work in you get to meet some amazing people eat some tasty food and travel the length and breath of the country for free!!! 

Butterflies Spotted This Month at Vriksha