Feng shui: the science of rearranging furniture to enhance your life!

OK in know this is a touchey topic ...i know loads out people out there firmly put faith in this so called science but im sorry i just dont get it...is a system of beliefs which proclaim that the forces which govern the Heavens and Earth and drive all cosmic interactions have nothing better to do than complain about furniture or building arrangements, thus u can also call it simply The ancient oriental art of knocking holes in buildings.
Over the years India has imported loads of silly things from China toxic plastic toys,bad quality phones,those really annoying Chinese lanterns we get during Diwali...but by far the stupidst import has to be Feng Shui.iv got clients who have driven me up the walls cause some feng shui expert says their garden is bringing them BAD FORTUNE! so this delusional so called expert of an imaginary science has made them spend more than 3 times their original garden estimate cause his pseudo science told him a perfectly beautiful garden is the reason their business is suffering...dude wtf! so i decided to find out a little more about this SCIENCE....

Origin: Feng Shui first came into being when a poor-quality carpenter who made poor quality furniture was forced into poverty. When he realised that no one was buying his cheap flat-pack dining tables, he was forced to begin robbing houses. Having neither brains nor brawn, he did this in broad daylight, causing some concern in the local neighborhood. His methods involved lots of insulting and shouting at the owners of the house, destroying their living and dining areas, leaving toilet seats up, taking large sums of money and facing north.
People quickly began to notice that after their houses were obliterated, all their money stolen and the often delicate treatise on toilet seat positioning being thrown into disarray, their lives improved soon after. For example, the fact that no one was obliterating, stealing or throwing into disarray any of their possessions.

Word spread quickly of the new luck people could find by giving a failed furniture maker large amounts of money and have him ruin their house. This was compounded by the main form of communication at the time; Semaphore. Over enthusiastic chatting led to the accidental demolition of many homes, which in turn led to many people being forced to turn to Feng Shui to make a living.Criminal activity quickly developed into an art, with plans being drawn up for new and interesting way to extract money of house owners via placement/burning/theft of furniture. It was at this time that some other people, far removed from people previously mentioned, found that by not destroying the furniture, some could be stolen and sold. This lasted all of four days, and the art quickly became the crime we all know and love today.

5 OF THE STUPIDEST FENG SHUI SUGGESTIONS

1)RED DOORS: The idea of the red door is that red (a substitute for the fire element) will always bring good luck, so it must be on the door to bring good luck in from the entrance.hahahhahahahahah.....im not big on style or interior design but absolutely any1 with basic color sense can say this travesty of a red door is just plain wrong...so if coloring your door brings you luck why the hell is it that the only time i see red doors in the city are in cheap chineez joints by the road side serving stale tripple sejwaan!
A very wise man in an interview once said" love is the color of love and danger" this wise man was a dear friend of mine,if only he had said red is the color of luck and doors!sigh!

2)UGLY ARTIFACTS:frogs, Chinese folklore heroes, dragons,laughing fat Buddhas....all made of plaster of Paris coated with lead paints these ghastly so called artifacts are littered all over these feng shui stores all over town...imported by the bulk ...i just cant believe people buy these. A Chinese warrior statute mas produced in a small warehouse by kids wont scare away ghosts...frogs kissing wont get you love...sheesh i wonder how we let superstitions get the better of us..these SHOWPIECES are neither decorative nor a good gift...

3)WIND CHIMES:are chimes constructed from suspended tubes, rods, bells or other objects and are often made of metal or wood. Wind chimes are usually hung outside of a building or residence, as a visual and aural garden ornament, and are to be played by the wind. It is said that these bells were originally intended to frighten away any lurking evil spirits going by what feng shui says ghosts in china must be freegin cowards! who de hell can get scared of ting a ling ting ting sounds! if you find that sound melodious or sweet or any thing like that pls get your ears tested ....

4)WATER FEATURES IN FRONT OF THE DOORS:Water can be very powerful to create more financial success in a building.In india the government provides us with several water features in front our our buildings...pothole puddles,man holes,open drains...where the hell is our financial success...if this water feature thingi worked people living in slums along the gutter would be millionaires...and the funny thing is the water features are rarely decorative...they always have to be ugly...gold..with a crystal ball waterfall!

5)LUCKY BAMBOOS..YES YES..BONSAI...NO NOOO!! :Lucky Bamboo is one of the most popular feng shui cures. In traditional feng shui, the lucky bamboo is used to attract health, happiness, love and abundance.1st of all that plant is not a bamboo this poor confused drachenas are kept soilless nutirentless,in chemical jellies and this is suppose to bring you happiness...Bonsai's on the other hand is discouraged cause it apparently stunts the development and well being of the area...i have 3500 bonsais and trust me nothing has stunted hurt or minutely affected the happiness/growth levels in the nursery.

Ok i know my views are a little biased...feel free to drop me your opinion...honestly id love to know what you guys think about this so called science!